She's JV to your varsity
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
pop tarts are not kleenex
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
