it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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