just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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