No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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