found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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