You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
