Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
