Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
