If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
