It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
