Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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