people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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