i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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