first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize