you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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