My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
