You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
