i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
