I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
