I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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