I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
