all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
