Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
