On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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