I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
