oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
