do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize