There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
