I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize