After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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