You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
