After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
