he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
