ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
