he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
