I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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