Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
