My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
