You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize