I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
