Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
