what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
