The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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