We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Text me some of your sweat
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
