matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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