im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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