You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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