I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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