Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
