So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
