i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
