I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
