I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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