Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
