Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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