Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
