The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you will always have a special place in my vag
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
