wat bout pragnant strippers??
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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