low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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