if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I love having hate sex.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
