Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
