VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
