Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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