I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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