apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
