....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
