i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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