don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
