is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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