I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
