sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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