it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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