I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
