it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
