when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
