i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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