The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
