let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
