it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
