Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Congratulations! We have a period
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize