No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
