She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
