**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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