you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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