I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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