Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
