do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
