The maid of honor just puked.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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