I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
