If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
