I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
