I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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