Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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