Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
