Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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