you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
