when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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