you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
