i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
