respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
