You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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