I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
