So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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