my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
