If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize