This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
