Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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